Thank goodness for the “cookies” that do.
I’ve been wanting to post here. A Lot. There’s a lot I want to say. Not that anyone is or should be listening.
It’s been a crazy year. We have a lot on our minds. By “we” I mean me and John. But also the collective first person. At least I think that’s what that is called.
Having kids is crazy. Trying to do the right things is crazy. Changing your life is crazy. Trying to figure out what you should be doing with your life is. . .wait for it. ..crazy. Still not sleeping is crazy.
But if things weren’t crazy, then they would be boring, right?
I’m sure I could have a cleaner house and folded laundry and no photography business and spotless kids but what’s the fun in that?
Well, I don’t even know what I’m talking about. Seems the baby likes to be awake from midnight to 5AM these days. (nights) and I’m more tired than I’ve ever been. Normally it really doesn’t bother me. But now it does.
So. . .no promises about posting here. Mostly, I just wanted to have something other than the tithing post show up on my BFF’s blog with the link to my blog! LOL!
And now I’m off to make some coffee.
No, I’m not talking about the effort I give every day in parenting, etc. I’m talking about tithing. The tithe. The big give. God’s share.
We are (finally) feeling compelled to make this commitment. And while it has been a quick journey of consciousness and rationale, it also feels like a long process. It’s kind of scary. I mean, who tithes, really? Isn’t that some Old Testament thing? No one is really expected to do that? Yet, it’s there in the Bible. Jesus sure talks a lot about money. You’re probably heard that he talks more about money than love. And I guess in the absence of a whole lot of money, you sure have time and space and energy for a whole lot of love!
Anyway. ..I realized I had not posted here in a few days. We’ve had a lot going on in our heads lately. Some big, heady stuff about the present and the future. And it kind of feels good to get it out!
So today is Shrove or, my personal preference: FAT Tuesday. Tomorrow kicks off the big Lenten commitment. This year I want to take time for reflection, for self-improvement. To declutter both my house and my mind, body, and spirit. I’m taking the 40 Bags for 40 Days challenge. Honestly, I cannot believe how much stuff I am ready to move on out of this house already!
As far as what I’m “giving up” I’ve targeted a few vices already: caffeine, alcohol, and junk food. I always feel like when people give those things up it is pretty trivial. And maybe my “sacrifice” is trivial compared to Jesus’. Okay, it’s DEFINITELY trivial compared to that. I have some more thinking to do. I really want to do some fasting, but since I’m still nursing and have my half marathon in a week and a half, that might not be the best thing to do at this time.
I’m also planning to devote time daily to meditation and/or devotion. It’s the least I can do, really.
I’m not subjecting anyone else in my family to this craziness. And that’s okay. It’s a commitment to changing attitudes, and that’s often a good thing. Well, now back to work for me!
In preparation for (or maybe, in cooperation with) the 40 Bags for 40 Days challenge I’m taking during Lent, I’m also getting rid of digital clutter by unsubscribing from ALL of the BAZILLIONS of email lists I am part of. Unless it is pertinent to what I’m doing or working on (ie, work-related) then there is really no reason why I need to know every time there is a sale or free shipping at Pottery Barn Kids. Seriously, my kids don’t need any more stuff. Nor do I. And even though I might like a few spring shirts from the Gap, I seriously don’t need the shopping temptation. It’s no wonder we consume so much–there are so many opportunities to do so!
So that’s my post for the day. Short. Sweet. See ya later.
Lately, I’ve found myself having an inner dialogue. Or maybe it’s more like an inner screaming match. For one reason or another, I keep finding myself tell myself: “THIS is NOT who you are! THIS is NOT the person you want to be!”
There are a lot of reasons, of which I just don’t think I’m going to go into right now. I’ve been impatient and crabby with the kids. I’ve been incredibly self-destructive. I tear myself down over everything. It’s like I’m chipping away at myself and for what? I just haven’t been the person I want to be. And I need to make change. Like, now. Immediately. Right. Now.
I’ve never been much of a believe in the whole self-help crap. The looking yourself in the mirror and giving yourself a thumb’s-up business. But the other day, after I completely erupted, losing my temper for the umpteenth time with Zane, I decided that I needed to change my inner dialogue from self-destruct to self-help.
I decided on a mantra. And I wrote it on a sticky note. And I taped it to my bathroom mirror. (Where I really should be spending more time getting myself ready–these days I’m not even brushing my hair. Seriously)
“BE the person/wife/mother you want to be TODAY”
This is my mantra. This is what has been getting me through the day. I stop myself and ask: “Is this the person you want to be? The person who (loses her temper with her kids? gives up when the going gets tough? sits in front of the computer instead of going outside on a pretty day? the photographer who crippingly self-critical?)” And then I tell myself the mantra. And (hopefully) change my attitude and BECOME that person.
I know I have a lot of self-work I need to do as a person. I assume most people do. We’re not perfect, nor were we created to be. It’s a process. We are meant to be working on our selves. And I guess I haven’t been clocking in on the job lately. But now I seem to be working overtime. Fortunately, I have an incredibly understanding and supportive family.
And I have a sticky note on the mirror.
And now I am going to practice being the mother who does not lose her temper with her children who refuse to sleep.
okay. I’m back! I think my plan forth blog is something like a long Tweet or Facebook update since I may be doing the majority ofthis while typing on my phone. It ain’t pretty, but it works as the outlet that I need. So please excuse the lack of photos and links. Honestly it is just too hard to do that on a phone.
So today is the last weekend of Mardi Gras. Wednesday begins Lent. I’ve been thinking a lot about the Easter season in recent years and about how it is th cornerstone of our faith yet largely ignored as a holiday (compared to Christmas, that is). I’m sure it has to do with marketability (since we Americans really are all about consumption). I mean a cute little baby at Christmas is a great way to get people out and shopping and traveling to visit relatives and a two week break from school. Lots of schools consider Good Friday a “make -up weather day.” see? Not important. And it’s pretty much only the basis for our faith so why do we give Easter the cold shoulder? I want to make Easter the big holiday, if we’re not buying into all the,well, buying and trying to celebrate a religious holiday for what it is. I mean, dying for our sins and rising from the dead kicks some ass. (and also deserves some austere reflection)
I’m new to this whole ” having my own opinions about my faith” thing so I don’t have any answers. I do know that I want to participate in 40 Bags for 40 Days. My neighbor told me about it and when I Googled, I found it to be a popular concept among Catholic blogging moms (so check there if you want more info). I feel like we all would be happier in my household with less stuff. Less clutter. Less to clean and clean up. Less to sort through. Less to take our attention away from each other and the things that matter. I would rather take time for a daily devotiOnal rather than attending to my stuff. So I’ve sort of cheated and started working on my 40 bags. Since we purged before and after moving, this does sort of feel like a challenge in some ways since we have trimmed down a lot.
I am making my own rules. The majority of things will go to the trash or Goodwill, but some items will go to the resale shop or EBay. I’m not trying to profit from Lent, but trying to be smart in my austerity as well.
Some of the impetus for our recent anti-consumerism does come from some reading that I’ll suggest. Dave Bruno’s 100 Thing Challenge is a fabulous blog and book we discovered at the end of 2010. It’s not about being a hermit with no stuff. Or lashing yourself if you’re addicted to stuff. Or knitting your own hair shirt. It’s just unraveling our deep feelings about stuff and who it will enable us to become (in our minds at least).
Also we have watched in horror the short film The Story of Stuff. If you have 20 minutes and care about your grandchildren, look it up and watch it.
Right now I am holdin my sweet baby who refuses to sleep otherwise and am thinking about procrastinating all the things I need to do. I do know I want to find a daily meditation for Lent. I wan to make it matter as a holiday in our family. I want it to be more then about giving up Coke and Facebook for 40 days. Seriously? This is supposed to be about sacrifice! I’m not sure what the next steps are, buri am committed to finding my way and working with a wonderful husband to accomplish this goal.
So thanks for reading!
And I think it’s time for the King Cake!
Okay, I’m going to try this again. I need it. Seriously!
We are making changes, doing stuff, growing, getting out of our comfort zone. And it all can’t go on my business blog.
People already think I’m kind of weird to begin with.
But I really need an outlet to vent. Communicate. Share. Bounce ideas.
And not that anyone reads here anymore. But you might.
First: we’re back in Pearland.
Second: we don’t really like it
Third: we are tired of just going with the American-style flow of consumerism and destruction
Fourth: we made a commitment to not make any retail purchases this year. Reuse. Reduce. Fix. Buy second-hand. Resell.
(Except for items where safety is important, like a car seat for my NEWBORN who is turning ONE in two months. Sheesh. Where has the time gone?)
Next: Keane is a crawling, cruising, pulling-up madman. He is COMPLETELY independent. Like, if you leave him alone for a second, he is off to some other part of the house to find his own adventure. Different from #1 who you always knew where he was: right there at your feet screaming for you to pick up him or running around wanting you to entertain him.
I know being an only child gives me a unique perspective to this, but I am amazed at how different the boys are every day.
Have I lost you yet?
Can you tell from that verbal spewing that I have a few things on my mind?
I’ll leave you with a picture, because that’s what I’m good at. Or not. I certainly try! Hopefully I will get this ball rolling again! But you know I’m not the best at it!